Can i not drive my cunt home
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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