Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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