we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
