you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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