Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
