I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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