I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
