I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
