I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
