Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
