I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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