I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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