mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
