I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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