I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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