made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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