it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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