he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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