he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
