Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
