First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
