Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
