Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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