yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
