So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
