Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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