last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
