Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Randomize
