Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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