My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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