Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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