The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
