He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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