Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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