Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
