Who did Billy Mays play for?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
