You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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