I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
