I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
