I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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