we're blogging at a bar
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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