Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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