Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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