walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
