Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
