So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
