i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
