this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am one with the molecules
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
