she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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