he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
