We're like a lot better than the average bears
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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