I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
