Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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