just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
