i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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