maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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