Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
