Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
