I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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