i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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