I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
