you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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