Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
