he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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