It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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