Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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