My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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