We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
