I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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