Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
