She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
