pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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