He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
