you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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