she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
